A Light to See Better By

A couple weeks ago I went to see the eye doctor.  No pun intended.  The last time I went to the eye doctor was about four years ago.  That was also the first time I went to the eye doctor.  You heard that right.  At 41 years old, I had never gone to the eye doctor.  I guess I thought that if Mary could get pregnant and deliver a baby without ever going to an OBGYN, then I could go 41 years without seeing the eye doctor. 

Of course, I’d had my eyes checked many times before.  When I was a kid, they got checked every fall by the school nurse and then again in the spring by Dr. Killion, my pediatrician.  Given that I’d never worn glasses or contacts in my life, I assume I checked out each year.  That I was able to read all the way down to the seventh or eighth line on the eye test chart with no trouble.  But a couple years ago, I noticed the letters on the page of a book were getting a bit blurry.  Driving didn’t seem to be a problem, but reading was.  So, I went to see the eye doctor, who sent me to CVS to buy a pair of reading glasses off the rack.  “You don’t need anything more at this time,” he told me. 

Then, this fall, I noticed my eyes were feeling the way my legs sometimes do after I’ve been home sick on the couch for a couple days.  Achy.  Heavy.  Like they’re trudging through a dense fog and I don’t know if I can trust them.  Except I hadn’t been sick, and my eyes still felt that way.  I was noticing that they sometimes felt that way even after a good night’s sleep.  After being closed for eight hours straight, they still opened tired. 

So, I went back to the eye doctor.  He did a standard check-up, nothing fancy.  Turns out, I probably could stand to wear glasses all the time now.  But still, “Your overall eyesight is very good,” he reported.  “Why, then, do my eyes feel so tired all the time?” I asked.  “Probably because you’re seeing too much,” he told me.  “Seeing too much.  What do you mean I’m ‘seeing too much?’”  I was feeling a bit defensive.  “I only see what I have to to get through the day.”  “Do you?” he said.  I thought his tone was a little snarky and I let him know by giving him the silent treatment.  “I mean, David, think about how much you’re probably seeing every day.” 

I thought about the more than 50 promotional emails that I’ve been seeing hit my inbox every 30 minutes since Black Friday, and how quickly I scroll through them just to delete them.  I thought about how I don’t watch TV news anymore, but most nights, after I hop in bed and shut off the light, I still check the daily headlines on my phone. Swiping up and down, left to right across the screen.  How quickly the whole world comes to hop in bed with me all at once.  And why do I do this at 10 p.m.?  Did I really just shut the light off only to now turn another light on?  If I happen to read that another 100 children died of famine today in Gaza, am I going to hop out of bed and go to the grocery store to put together a care package for tomorrow’s 100 children?  Probably not.  I thought about how, just ten minutes ago, I was sitting in the waiting room.  “The doctor will be right with you,” the receptionist assured me.  The music playing overheard was lovely, an orchestra covering The First Noel.  I felt my body relax as it slumped into a chair.  So, what did I do next?  I told the receptionist I was going to step back outside for a minute to check my phone and see if I had any voicemail messages.  Standing on the curb, my eyes couldn’t avoid the sight of two cars stopped in the middle of the road.  There hadn’t been an accident, but the two drivers, jawing out their windows at each other about who was riding whose tail, were definitely in a collision.  My relaxed body was feeling like it needed to be taken home and put to bed.  Which I might have done if I thought I could trust myself to just turn off the light and not check the daily headlines. 

So, maybe the good doctor is right, maybe I have been seeing too much.

But here’s the thing: I’m not sure he, or anyone else, could convince me to see less.  Because what I want, of course—what I think we all want, and need—is not to see less, but to see better.  On this Christmas night, when we proclaim the birth of the One who was called the Light of the World, we can hardly ask to see less.  For Christmas comes bearing light.  Light in the darkness.  Light that no darkness, says the Gospel, can put out or keep out. 

In this way, Christmas comes as both good news and terrifying news.   Terrifying to anyone who might prefer to keep things, people, or themselves, in the dark.  The dark can be very useful and productive space for getting things done, especially if you are the only one who knows your way around in it.  Meanwhile, everyone else is left to wonder, and worry, at what you’re up to, what you might do to them, and will you ever turn the lights back on.

Darkness was the weapon Caesar Augustus and Quirinius used when they ordered everyone, including Mary and Joseph, to return to the places they had come from.  You can no longer live here.  You must get out.  No, it does not matter that this is your home or that you don’t have a home to go to.  Nor does it matter that you are nine months pregnant and life is already full of hardship and uncertainty for you.  Get out.  I will not be your neighbor, and you will not be mine. 

Joseph and Mary had to go to one of the most pitiful spots on the map, Bethlehem, where, as history records, there was no room in the inn.  But look out!  For Luke says she and Joseph arrived there and no sooner was it time for Mary to deliver her baby.  She had traveled long enough in the dark shadows of the powerful.  Now the powerful would be overtaken by a poor woman and her baby filling that darkness with the gentle light of courage, hope, and life. 

When news of the birth of Jesus reached Caesar and Quirinius, it must have terrified them.  Made them see that you can fill the whole world with darkness, but all it takes is a tiny, flicker of light to send the darkness running.

My friend, Jenny, says, The Christmas story shows us the worst of times and in so doing, shows us that God’s response to the worst of times is to say, Things don’t have to be the way they are.

The Christmas story, the story of Jesus Christ here among us, reminds us that we do not belong to Caesar or Quirinius, or to their darkness.  We belong to God who is Light that cannot be put out or kept out.  Remembering to whom we belong is a threat to those who really want us to believe that they are in charge, that they are the ones who hold the power.  But they aren’t.  They never have been.  And they never will be.[1] 

For tonight we dare to proclaim that Jesus, the one born to Mary and Joseph, placed in a manger, coming in darkness, is now, has been, and ever will be God of Glory, Friend to the Poor, Healer of the Brokenhearted, Light of the World, Emmanuel, God-With-Us, bending low to be among us.  See him now.  And have a very Merry Christmas.    


[1] Rev. Jenny McDevitt, from her sermon, “What Christmas Means to Quirinius: Threat,” preached at Shandon, Presbyterian Church, 12/16/25.

What Do the Blind Know of the Light?


What do the blind know of the light?
Whole days, every day spent in darkness.
The sight of their hand known only
by the way the elbow bends in, the arm turns up,
fingers stretch open, peel, release from clutch,
until the palm lays flat like a map,
every line a river, the edge of a hillside
in a country that bears their name,
the smell of all the day has touched
wafting forth like a vision of things adored.
The soap in the shower, the fresh cut mint sprig,
lovingly retrieved from May’s garden,
the splash of coffee from the mug
catching the edge of the counter,
the talcum powder smeared upon the baby’s bottom,
the residue of sweat, now dried and cold from
prayers made, answered, or left on hold for another day.
If you never saw a day in your life,
but I told you my name is Light,
and we spent all our moments in friendship,
would you cover your eyes from the brilliance?
Would you never count the seconds of sunlight that remain?
Would you take my hand, turn me to your face,
tell me I’ve never looked so good,
and smile at the sight of it?

Salvaging the Heart

We lost two more children this week, God.
And that’s the awful truth.
We lost them.
At 3 p.m. on Tuesday we knew where
they should have been.
Kicking a rubber ball over second base,
loitering in front of 7-Eleven,
taking up a collection among buddies
to afford a bag of chips,
scarfing down said chips.

We called their grandparents.
Maybe they’d gone there on their bikes.
But there were no skid marks in the driveway.
We opened their bedroom doors and
hollered their names.
No one called back, Here, Mom!

We lost them.

Their bodies we found in church,
10 feet back and 6 feet under
from where Jesus also lay dead.
After all these years you can still see Mary,
stone faced, keeled over at the foot of the cross,
looking up at her son like she refuses to
understand what he’s doing up there.
The Bush-league killed him.
(More awful truth.)
The government said they knew he was innocent
but it would be more convenient this way.
It’s a mob out there. Plus, you know,
right to assemble, right to bear arms.
Better to sacrifice one from across the river
than to piss off the natives.

I went to the Church of The Natives up the road to inquire.
I asked to see where the little Lord Jesus
laid down his sweet head.
They said, this is the Church of the Nativity.
He was only born here, he’s not from here.

No wonder we lose so many children.

Native. Nativity. Birth. Birthright.
A couple more or few-- letters so we can say
you’re not my problem.
I hope I’m never lost without food, money, or I.D. in Turkey.
No one will know they won’t die if they feed me.

On Sundays where I come from the priest
tries to tell us his body was broken for us
so that we could be whole or something.
But I’m starting to think that’s a lie.
We broke Jesus, and then we lost the pieces.

Not all of them, mind you.
We scrapped and sold what we could
to the highest corporate bidder.
Took the money and bought ourselves a
first-class ticket to Eden.
But the sign upon arrival said,
No Re-Entry.

Because we lost them.

Christ. Mary isn’t going to go
to Egypt without Jesus. Eve ain’t
returning to Eden without Cain,
and Abel too.
Home is where we learn to break safely
and be lost.
Until we find all the pieces, though,
home just won’t be home.
Mothers say so.

So, light the lamps,
release the hounds,
row across the Nile.
There are no shorelines tonight,
all waters are international.
The mission is to salvage
the heart.